she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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