dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
its liver damage thursday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
