She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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