I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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