The best revenge is premature balding
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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