where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My vagina just recognized that song.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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