i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We got so high we made milksteak
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
