I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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