So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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