I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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