I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
