I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
