I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
