I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
