My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
