So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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