I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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