You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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