you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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