my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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