; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
