Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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