Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
