and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
