good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
