I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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