He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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