Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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