i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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