Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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