that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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