Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
