so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
