i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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