just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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