I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
