I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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