Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
