I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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