I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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