yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
