Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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