I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
