You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
