I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
