I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
