We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
