Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His nipple licking is glorious
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