I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you win again, gameday.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
