My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
